Tuesday, September 2, 2014

MIXED MESSAGES: Women Make Themselves Feel Guilty

This post is an excerpt from my book, Why Positivity Can Be A Bad Thing!

Women are also putting pressure on themselves from the mixed messages magazines are constantly spouting about new diets and ways around losing your “mummy tummy”. That big load of fat that you get left over from having a kid. They make you think you need to be home with the baby and dieting and exercising for hours and then tell you to just enjoy it and not worry about it. All because they constantly publish pictures of celebrities about how fabulous they looked just days and weeks after giving birth. It also makes me wonder if these celebrities are starving themselves before, during and after the baby.

First off, mothers’ guilt does not exist except in your own head. You are the one putting guilt on yourself for the way you’re having and raising your kid so stop blaming other people. The same goes for the pressure you claim magazines, celebrities and the internet is putting on you to lose weight quickly and spring back to a size nothing because that’s the “norm”.

The garbage from magazines and TV shows is atrocious, I’ve already stated that, but then it comes down to you and the mixed messages you are putting in your own head. You see a celebrity post a selfie on Instagram and she’s all slim and thin after having a baby two weeks prior. She did it because she could, because she was entitled to do so, and probably because she was insecure, immature or a narcissist seeking attention and praise to boost her deflated insecure, immature ego. What you turn around and then do to yourself is your own fault, and you need to take responsibility for the pressure you put on yourself and the accusations you make about the celebrity.

These celebrities are not telling, or even demanding, that you look like them. They were more than likely thin to begin with, living the high life of a celebrity or starving themselves, and will look thinner after having a baby. But that does not give you the right to blame them for your insecure and immature feelings of inadequacy. The only person putting pressure on you to look like them is YOU. These celebrities don’t know you from a bar of soap and are not even remotely thinking about you and the fact you don’t look like them.

Take responsibility for your own thoughts and get rid of that stupid bullshit pressure you’re putting on yourself to look like bloody celebrities, and if you’ve had enough of it, then stop buying the magazines who preach it and stop following the bloody celebrities you’re desperately trying to look like and emulate. Live your own bloody life and stop trying to live someone else’s because you are not someone else. You are you and that’s all there is to it. Learn to understand how your body works and stop believing the bullshit that someone else's body is the same as yours. Concentrate on yourself, your body and your baby, and stop worrying about other people, especially other people that don’t care about you.

Monday, September 1, 2014

MIXED MESSAGES: Why Some Magazines Should Be Abolished

Since I released Why Positivity Can Be A Bad Thing! this year, I've decided to do a week's worth of edited excerpts from the book, starting with why some women's magazines should be abolished.

The picture is from an episode of the X-Files and suits this post to a T, I think.

Every day TV shows, radio programs, magazines and newspaper columns judge people on what they do, say, think, feel, act, wear, because that’s what the human race does, especially gossip columns and TV shows, pulling apart what all the celebrities wear to functions. 

One week we should love ourselves, love what we look like, love our shape, our size, our lumps and bumps, our hair, our skin, our stretch marks, our scars, our lines and wrinkles, our grey hair, our lack of hair, our skin colour, our race, our sex, our religion. #nofilter on Instagram because you should go without make-up to show the world how fabulous you are in your bare skin. We should just be ourselves and everything will be all right. 

But here’s the bullshit. It’s a big fat trailer load of fucking crap, that’s what it is!

Why is it a big fat trailer load of fucking crap?

Because of the issue right after they preach to us about loving ourselves.

The next issue is always one where they’re telling us about the latest diet, acne cream, fake tan, teeth whitener, sex position, concealer, cover up, bathers, clothes, underwear, shape wear, best fitting jeans and which celebrity “just lost” ten kilos with a great new diet and how this diet will work for us because we always have that “pesky” ten kilos to lose.

Because we’re just too fucking fat and shit ugly to exist in the world apparently.

That’s the message society is actually sending all of us. 

I personally think many women’s magazines should be shut down as all they do is preach to and teach women they’re not good enough and never will be good enough as the person they are, the person the Universe created and as the person they are living as.


Friday, August 29, 2014

Jealousy. An infantile response fostered by Gen Ys

Ah Jealousy! That green eyed monster we all remember from our teens and twenties. That painful ripping of the heart when we saw the boy we really liked with the girl we really hated. That tearing of our arteries when the girl we hated got better grades than us. The slicing and dicing of our veins when someone came to school or work with really expensive shoes or clothes we couldn't afford and desperately wanted.

God, being young sucks, doesn't it?

Time moves on, we get older, and jealousy is left behind. Well for me anyway. I have not felt the pangs of jealousy since my 20s but sadly, Gen Ys have bought it back with a vengeance.

Sadly, whenever someone says anything about the way a person is dressed or what they had, where they went, or what they did, they are accused of being jealous.

Now that I am forty, I agree wholeheartedly that it is nothing but an infantile response to normal human being things known as questions and comments.

These days on social media you cannot even GO NEAR commenting that you don't like something for fear of being labelled as jealous. And when looking at those doing the accusing, it's always Gen Ys and some vague Xers.

But can we really blame Gen Ys? They are still, sadly, going through late puberty in their 20s as they struggle their way through life and learning how the world works. That it's okay to say you don't like something. That it's okay to not agree with someone. That it's okay to have an opinion that is not the same as someone else's.

Sadly, and I keep using that word because it is sad, so many Gen Ys automatically believe that when someone doesn't like something it must be down to jealousy.

So when I say I don't like a dress someone is wearing, it must be because I'm jealous of the person. Yet I didn't mention the person, I mentioned the dress. But to a Gen Y it must be personal because a person is wearing the dress that I mentioned. And sadly, this is where Gen Ys lack understanding and comprehension.

Learn to listen and truly understand what someone is saying. Talking about an article of clothing does not make me jealous. It means I am talking about a piece of fabric that has no brain, no feelings, no nothing.

If I say I'm sick of seeing the same picture of your living room simply because you added a few flowers or rearranged your coffee table, it's not because I'm jealous, it's because I'm bored with seeing the same picture week in, week out. There is a difference between being bored and being jealous, but poor Gen Ys cannot comprehend such things.

When you look at a Facebook page there will be 90% of people who will actually comment on the subject or question broached, and the remaining 10% will be people shitting on those commenting. However, take note of what is said, because something I have figured out in the last week is that, while accusing someone of being jealous is an infantile response in 75% of cases, the remaining 25% is more than likely truly based on some jealousy.

I was absolutely trashed on my style blog a few weeks back when a comment popped up on an older post about my cancer scars. This person had commented on three other posts, and you could see an escalation of anger and rage. Although the timing of her comments showed this one was the first she made, and she actually came back the night after to make another comment on another post. I wondered if she had raided my whole blog just to see what was going on.

Stalker much?! She's also raided my social media posts.

The post was about my personal experience and my thoughts on cancer, however, not only did she trash me for those comments, she trashed me for other things as well, which were the other comments that escalated into the one cancer post.

All of these are dumb arse assumptions on her part, as was her assumption about me not knowing what it was like having a tumour removed. My father did 19 years ago.

NEVER ASSUME you know from one photo what is actually going on. In her case she made MANY dumb arse assumptions.

"And by the way, your jewellery & “style” is absolutely horrendous! I am embarrassed FOR you! I have never seen anything as disgusting, cheap & tacky as what’s displayed on your page. You really shouldn’t be using the terms “couture” or “fashion designer” either, you are buying cheap crap online & mashing it up together into a hideous mess, THAT IS NOT COUTURE OR DESIGNING!! There is a reason barely anyone acknowledges your social media posts!
PS: and if you keep eating burgers & chocolates for breakfast, or all that ice cream, or quarter cheesecakes!!!! or hot chips, or packets of chips you’ll end up with more than a few tiny skin cancers!"
What pisses me off most is that morons look at one photo and ASSUME so much. They don't bother reading the comment you leave with it, they don't bother understanding what is actually going on.


Let me tell you why her answers are full of jealousy, anger and hatred. 

Because she made her attack personal. And that is when you can tell there is jealousy going on. When people trash talk you, your clothes, what you buy, what you wear and what you do, jealousy, anger and hatred is going on inside of them. 

And I shake my head at the stupidity of using the fact that if you don't have any likes, replies or comments on posts then people obviously aren't SEEING the post and it must mean you have NO followers, likers, or friends. They don't get that some people don't have that desperate need for likes and approval from others. I don't need likes because anyone who follows me sees it in their feed anyway, and that's enough for me. But for some, it must be their only lifeline of approval..."oh, they all love me because they like my picture"....fucking hell!

I don't give a flying fuck if you don't like what I wear, what I make or what I buy. I DO NOT DRESS for anyone but myself. I DO NOT CONSIDER other people's opinions and thoughts when I get dressed because I dress for myself.

Clearly she was angry that I'm always buying new clothes and jewellery, all on sale mind as I give the prices I pay. Clearly she isn't or cannot buy her own. NOT MY FAULT. Clearly she is full of hatred for people who can buy or make clothes or jewellery. NOT MY FAULT. Clearly jealousy played a part.

She ASSUMED that because I post the ever-so-occasional food pic that that's what I eat all day everyday. She ASSUMED I live on my own hence I must be the only one eating said food. 

She ASSUMED that because I buy a lot of jewellery on ebay, never mind the fact I also buy a lot in store along with my clothes, that I am not a jewellery designer because I "mash" it altogether into a hideous mess. And that I cannot call myself a fashion designer simply because I buy clothes from stores. She clearly hasn't seen the clothes I have made and designed.

She has made big arse assumptions. I liken it to "those who act like they know everything actually know fuck all." 

Never judge a book by its cover, never assume one, or a range of photos tells the complete story. But she did, because her anger and hatred at her own life boiled over into jealousy and so her trash attack became personal.

That is how you tell when real jealousy is involved. When it's personal and trash. The next time someone accuses you of being jealous, ask them how old they are and then tell them to grow a brain and grow the fuck up.




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