The 81st Oscars was a hugh hit for Australia's Hugh Jackman. That man can screw me anyday!

Okay peoples, the post you've all been waiting for. My thoughts on the scrags and hags of the Oscars. The hits, the misses, and all the air kisses, that's what Hugh Jackman is made of.

Hugh Jackman, in all his finery, blowing me a kiss as he stood on stage. He can blow me any day!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie make the perfect couple, don't they? No wonder Jennifer Panniston keeps going on, and on, and on, and on, and on, about how much she hates Ange. But how can you hate someone that Brad actually wanted to have babies with!
Hugh and Beyoncy get jiggy wit it during the performance that Beyoncy oh so mimed! Oh no she didn'. Oh yes she did! How slack arse was that Beyoncy, you mimed during the friggen OSCARS. Shame on you, you tart. Can't you cover yourself up for once?

Virginia Madsen wearing a gorg red gown. Don't know who it's by but who cares. It's g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! Pity about the tat on her arm!

Whoopi bloody Goldberg, what the fuck are you wearing? You look so uncomfortable in it. Was it still breathing? Is that why you're pulling that face, cause it's tickling you underneath and you just want to kick yourself for wearing it. Girl, we'll do it for you!

Tina Fey looked okay in her silver/gold dress. While your stint with Steve Martin was kinda funny, the dress really didn't do anything for you.

Well here's the tart and her handbag. I can sooo see why she hates Ange, look at who whe's dating. John, ''I'll screw anything that breathes and walks on two legs. Oh wait, that's most of the women in Hollywood. I wonder if I can get Angelina next.'' Mayer.

Sophia Loren, what the fuck were you thinking? Stealing my toilet roll holder to wear as a dress. Yuck, I hope you washed it. And what's with the hair? What'd you do, run the dunny brush through it?
Sarah Jessica Parker. Stick ya tits back in, and do ya hair! We are soooo ova the same look you keep wearing.

Queen Latifah. So much for Jenny Craig, or was it Weight Watchers? You were supposed to lose some of that blubber from around ya middle. Looks like ya packed it on instead!

Penny Cruz wearing Pierre Balmain. Yuck! And what's with the hair? You may have won an Oscar, but jeez, get a stylist, or sack the one you've got.

Natalie Portman wearing Rodarte. Sounds like an old artist's name. I love the colour, hate the style. Get some colour around ya neck.
Australia's Melissa George, although since she lives in the US, you can have her. This is a Dolce & Gabbana. Soooo not flattering. Get some meat on ya bones.

Marissa Tomei wearing a Versace. So frigging what, she's anorexic, and the dress is fugly! Maybe Latifa can give ya some of her fat! Ya need it.

Miley ''I'm only 16 but dress like a 50 year old'' Cyrus. Her mother went with her, but obviously didn't dress her. Cause someone needed to.

Meryl Streep, dressed by Alberta Ferretti. Whoever the fuck he is. This dress is fugly, that is f-u-g-l-y! The colour, the cut, the thing itself. Yuck!

Kate Winslet, may have won the Oscar but bombed in the colour stakes. If this dress was in Blue, Pink, Red, Emerald or even Violet, it would have looked so much better. But a word of advice Katie poo, keep your opinions on Brad and Ange to yaself. Cause we'll just hate ya for it.

Jessica Biel, what the fuck were you thinking? Prada who? Justin prolly wondered the same thing, no wonder he wasn't there. Pregnancy rumours ahoy!

Frieda Pinto, from Slumdog Millionaire, should have cut that bloody sleeve off her dress. It will look so much better without it.

Heidi hi hi Klum. Love the red, love the arm bling, don't love the boring as batshit hair. Who did it? Seal?

Evan Rachel Wood. That can't really be her name. I thought it was Rachel Evan Wood. But everybody has it the other way round. Elie Saab did the dress. Just another pale, anorexic Hollyweird starlet.

Entertainment Tonight's Mary Hart. An institution for 27 years. I wondered where Grandma's curtain material went.

Beyoncy Nolls, Shannon's sista, ha,ha, wore a dress designed by her motha! Cut the umbilical cord girl, and let that hair go.

Anne Hathaway. Where there's a Hugh, there's thaway. Ugh, bad joke I know. Eat some food fo God's sake. And stay thaway from our Hugh!

Amy Adams from the movie ''Doubt'' in a Carolina Herrera. Bling's a bit ugly, but I love the flaming red.
Amanda Seyfried from Mamma Mia in a Valentino. Hair's in the way, the shoes are fugly and what's with tha bow?

A National day of mourning for Victoria, no thanks Kevin Rudd, you can all piss off!

I think I'm possibly the only person to not agree with the national day of mourning for Victoria. I think it's a big load of bullshit. Especially since most of Queensland is underwater and nobody's doing a damn thing to help them. The poor bastards, Qland was flooded and people were helping, then Victoria went up in smoke and everybody turned away.

Queenslanders are struggling to cope, with a boy tragically taken by a croc, and two men swept away. Who knows who else is dead because of it, but no one seems to care anymore. Oh no, that's because Victoria is more important. And three people dead is not as important as 209.

It sucks that hundreds of people are dead. It sucks that thousands of homes are gone. It sucks that towns are burnt to the ground and bushland eaten up by a hungry fire. Yes, it does suck that this has happened, and is still happening. But the Victorian bushfires are not the be all and end all of what's going on in this country.

Queensland is flooded, pensioners are suffering with lack of money, the country is in a shit hole because of Kevin bloody Rudd, and all he cares about is Victoria, and a national day of mourning. Trying to make himself look big and powerful and wonderful. No, we wont be crying out, ''yay Kevvy, you're incredible'', anytime soon. No, not at all. It would just make his head bigger than it already is, and we can't afford a Prime Minister with a massively inflated ego running this country. In fact, someone had better burst it soon, or he will end up flying away with all the inflation. Wait, that may not be such a bad idea after all.

I don't want to mourn, I don't want to be told that I should. I'm sick to bloody death of being told I should mourn for things that I don't believe in, or I have no emotion for. I'm not saying I have no compassion. I just have so much going on in my life, that I don't have the time to live somebody elses. I have to live my life and deal with my issues, I don't have the energy or emotion to live other people's problems.

Kevin bloody Rudd apologised to the aboriginals, although he should have apologised for them for letting them get away with all they've gotten away with, but what he should have apologised for is being a bloody dickhead.

I will not be told by Kevin bloody Rudd when and how I should mourn, or if I should at all. Do not fill my day with depressing shit on tv, all three stations mind you, and the radio, all broadcasted from the Rod Laver arena. I don't want to see it. I don't want to be depressed. I don't want to wallow in tragedy like so many seem to want to. I want to get on with life and live every day like it's the best there is. Two weeks of depressing shit on tv was enough. More than enough. I didn't watch it after the first day. It was more a battle of channels 9 and 7 competing to who could get their reporters to the nearest fire in the same town, with the same backdrop, than it was about reporting. Boring as batshit people!

Qlanders still haven't gotten the 2 million dollars that was raised for them. Oh no, but Victorians DO NOT need over 150 million that's been raised for them. Kevin Rudd, and Victorian premier John Brumby, have promised them that their mortgages/home loans/new houses will be paid for. That the towns will be rebuilt brick by brick. That their lives will somehow be put back together again.

I believe they should all be told to move. People should not live surrounded by bush. One flick of a cigarette, lighter, downed power line, car backfire etc can cause what we have seen this year. And every year. Year after year, summer after summer, there are fires in the states of Australia. Port Lincoln in South Aus, twice, Canberra, NSW. Did you give them 150 million? Did you rebuild their towns, homes and lives? They've all had fires.

Ash Wednesday, Black Friday, do people NOT LEARN from these fires. The answer is simple. DO NOT LIVE surrounded by bush. DO NOT LIVE in a place surrounded by bush that fire fighters cannot get to. DO NOT LIVE in a remote area that makes it impossible for you to save yourselves. And for God's sake, make the choice to leave, and DO leave long before the fire even gets to you. Because losing your life, or your family's life, is SO not worth trying to save a fricken house! Family and lives before a fucking house should always be the number 1 rule!

I don't believe they need 150 million. I don't believe I should donate. I do believe that not all of the money will make it into the charities collecting donations. I know alot of people say they'll donate just to get their name on tv. Well, let's see if it gets sent in. Anybody who buys something, pays a bill, owns a home etc, pays tax. Our tax payer dollars are already going to rebulid their towns/houses/lives, why the hell should we give them anymore? It's making me sick, that there's millions going to the Victorians. Yes, they are in need, but not 150 million dollars worth, and not my tax payers dollars worth either!

Why don't you give half to the Queenslanders that have lost their homes/cattle/jobs, and help them out because they damn well deserve it too! They're going hungry, because food drops have stopped. They're still under flood but no one gives a shit. Well I do! Anna Bligh, pull your head out of your arse and help the people that didn't vote you in. After all, if you don't, come the next election sweetheart, you'll be gone.

A very pissed off and sick to fucking death, Jewels!

Can Hugh Jackman blow them all away when he hosts the 81st Oscars?

Woo baby, that man can host my awards any day! Hugh Jackman will be hosting tomorrows 81st Oscars. Doing something new and different, channel 9 has decided to show the awards ceremony in real time. That means we'll get to see everyone walk down the red carpet as they actually walk down the red carpet.

I suppose it's a good idea, since waiting until 8:30 pm, usually means the news shows tell us all who's won before we even see the damn thing. It will be repeated that night though, for those that aren't home during the day.

As for me, I'll be watching some of it, then posting my comments on how all the scrags are dressed, and who they're dressed by.

A very fashionable Jewels.

xxoo

Young English boy Alfie Patten a 13 year old father, or maybe not!

I can't be the only one to think this is sick. What is he, 13 now, but chronologically he's 8. What the fuck does an 8 year old know about sex, let alone being a father. England is absolutely up shit creek where morals are concerned.

This boy's not the only one who's become a parent at such a young age. It's been going on for years. The country's youngest mum, youngest grandma, youngest great grandma. The poms love claiming these sick things like it's the best thing in the world.

I remember an 11 year old girl who had a kid. She looked so bored, and certainly didn't get the absolute ferocity of the situation. That she had had a kid at 11 years of age. And guess when she got pregnant? During Princess Diana's funeral. Because she was ''bored''. What a little fucker.

England went to hell in a handbasket centuries ago when they couldn't be bothered dealing with their own convicts. They sent them to a far off country instead, and they still don't get how to deal with their own shit now. This boy isn't the first, and he sure as hell won't be the last. As for the 15 year old girl who had the kid, she's nothing but a little skanky arse tart who sleeps around, and she's proud of it. Apparently her parents are too, because they sure as hell didn't stop it. They let boys sleep over all the time. What a filthy little tart. But that's what England's all about these days. Filthy little tarts with no morals, standards or principles.

After all, just look at the Royal family, they lead the way in no morals!

Alfie Patten looks like he's 5, and now he reckons that the other boys are lying, that they didn't have sex with the filthy little tart who had his kid. What the fuck would Alfie know, I'm surprised he knew how to have sex. It only happened once supposedly, but apparently he knew how to get his tiny little dick up (if he even knew what it was and what it did) where to put it, and what to do with it.

I seriously can't fathom, can't digest what the hell a little kid knows about sex. Are you fucking kidding me, cause he certainly got fucked enough for her to claim he's the father, and for him to think he did enough to be a father.

I can't wait to hear the results of the paternity test, then we'll know just how skanky arse that little tart really is!

I'll leave you with this question: can a 12 year old boy's sperm even fertilise a 14 year old girls egg?

A very disgusted Jewels.

Octomum, Nadya Suleman thinks she is Angelina Jolie!

Octomum, or Nadya Suleman, as her mother named her, believes she is Angelina Jolie. Is anybody else completely sick of this woman? I am so sick of seeing a story everyday on tv. Will she be able to care for the kids? Is she getting a new house? Has she gotten millions of dollars for the story? Will she be kicked out of her house?

However, at this stage, it isn't her house. It's her mother's. God knows why she let her daughter and six kids move in, let alone eight more. She claims once the kids come home she's moving out. I don't know why you'd move out of your own home just to let your bitch of a daughter take it over. Although word on the street is that she's behind in mortgage payments and may have the house taken out from under her. That would suck. Knowing that you lost your house because of your daughter taking all your money to support her six kids. That sucks Octomum. You're nothing but a selfish leech, sucking from society. Claiming you'll take care of your kids. And who'll take care of them while you're back at school? You're expecting your mother will. Guess again. She's movin' out!

As for poor Angelina, there's no way Nadya will ever be like her. Firstly, Angie don't need ivf, she's got Brad for Christ's sake. Secondly, she's still only got six kids, no need for eight at one time. And Angie will always be the better person, because she can care and pay for her kids without leeching from society to do it.

I hate leeches!

Jewels.

Naomi Watts naked - who gives a shit, and why can't people pronounce her damn name properly?

Recently, pics of actress Naomi Watts have made their way to our screens. I won't be displaying any, as they've been everywhere and I have no need to show them.

She's standing on a balcony, adjusting her robe. She knew she was naked under there, she knew she was on a public balcony, she knew there would be the chance of someone taking a photo. She has no excuse for saying she didn't know, or doesn't understand how these pics came to light. When you're on a balcony, there's always someone looking.

As for the name. Why can't so many people pronounce Naomi? It isn't Ni-o-me, it's Nay-o-me. Jesus people, get your shit together and learn to pronounce a person's name properly!

And as for her being naked, like there's not more important shit going on in the world, that we would give a shit about her naked!

Love a very clothed Jewels xxoo

Although not for much longer. My gorgeously gorgeous husband, Michael Weatherly, is taking me swimming........ isn't he soooo cute!

Chris Brown beating Rihanna - the bastard needs his ball chopped off!!!

As with everybody else, I will add my 2 cents worth to this story.

Rihanna should have smacked the shit out of Chris Brown.

Now, if this story is true, why don't women ever hit the bastards back. All I hear with celebrities is, when the guy hits his girlfriend/wife, she rings the cops. Why don't they pick up the rolling pin, baseball bat, whatever is nearby, and bash his head in, or whack him in the nuts. I'm all for self defence. If you get hit, you hit back twice as hard. Now from various reports, I've read several scenarios, but either way, did she hit him back? I've heard that neighbours rang the cops, but I also heard they were out on the road in his car.

Either way, I just wish that for once with stories like these, that the woman would actually hit back twice as hard, and give the guy what he deserves. If Chris Brown is a woman beater, then he deserves to be beaten by a woman. That's the only way these bastards learn, when women stand up and hit back, the arseholes soon realise that the woman will not take his shit, and he won't get away with it.

So girls, start standing up for yourselves and fight back, once and for all. Don't let these bastards win.

And as for all the idiots defending Chris Brown, go ahead, but saying that Rihanna deserved it for provoking him makes you as bad as Chris. If you support a woman basher, what does that make you? You support the beater, you support the abuse. You hate the women, that means you hate yourself. You have no self esteem, no self confidence, no self love. You'd rather support the abuse and take it, than stop the abuser and say ENOUGH!

Grow up people and stop accepting men abusing women and children. NO ONE provokes abuse, REGARDLESS of who they are!

A very pissed off Jewels.

The Biggest Loser - Why it's time fat people pulled their big fat heads out of their big fat backsides.

Yes that's right people, it is time they did that. Why? Because I am so sick of their wondering why they're obese, have problems, and can't fit into an airplane seat.

Of course me having an absolute gutful of it stems from more than that. The Biggest Loser is back on Aussie tv, and has been for just over a week now. All they've done is cry, whinge and wail that they want to go home. How do I know? I don't, except for the ads, because I refuse to listen, let alone watch, a hour or two of that pissy dribble of rubbish. I just wish I could shove my fist through the damn tv screen and smack the bloody shit out of those people.

And recently on Dr.Phil, was a man who weighed more than 700 pounds. That's right, I said 700 pounds. And it's not the first time Phil has had obese people on, many other shows have done the same kind of stories, and just like with those, I change the channel.

Why? Because I'm sick of hearing people whinge. But I do have to tell you, there is two stages to the story.

1 - People who eat and eat and eat themselves to 700 pounds and then wonder why.

2 - The people who are obese and claim they're happy. Then turn around and lose weight or have gastric bypass.

Which is how you know they're bullshitting through their eye teeth.

I have clearly stated previously on my blog, that I am not a small size, I am not huge either. I love food. As the common saying goes, there is not a carb I haven't met that I don't like. Although in my case, I don't like rice. However, I have restraint. I can control what and how much I eat. If I want some chocolate, I don't sit and eat the whole block, or the whole bag of chips, or the whole packet of whatever it is you eat that makes you hundreds of pounds/kilos.

I have little bits of whatever I want throughout several days, so that I can have a couple of squares of delicious dark mint choc before breakfast. And let me tell you, being the first thing that touches your starved and deprived tastebuds first thing in the morning, followed by and icy cold glass of tropical fruit juice is freakin' heaven! But I don't eat the whole block! A little here, a little there, makes it last a lot longer.

I'm so sick of hearing people whinge that they've tried EVERY diet, EVERY shake, EVERY pill. Considering that there's several hundred I'm sure, that's pretty much impossible. And when you ask them how long they were on it for, they say, ''two days'', with this incredibly dumb look on their face.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? A diet won't shed all the weight you want to lose in three fucking days. You people need your heads read! No wonder the damn things don't work. Firstly, you don't find the right ''diet'' for yourself, and secondly, you don't stay on it long enough to see results.

As for fatty's, you ain't happy, so stop telling us you are. We all know it's a lie, and you end up losing weight anyway, so just stop bullshitting!

Because that's all you people do. If you're obese, you need to stop bullshitting to yourself and everyone else. We don't believe you, so I'm surprised you believe yourself.

You choose to eat, you choose to overstuff your face with food, you choose the lifestyle you are living. Stop blaming genetics, stop blaming food, stop blaming losing your job, your wife, your kids, your life. The only, and I MEAN ONLY person to blame, is yourself! You did this to yourself, you can choose to change it! So get off your fat arse, pull your fat head out and grow a brain.

Next to you, I'm anorexic.

Jewels.

Jessica Simpson, who the fuck said she was fat?

I'm going to have my say on the stupidity of this story. Magazines and critics need to pull their heads out of their backsides and fuck off.

I am so fucking sick of magazines, who week after week run stories on celebs who aren't anorexic. And don't try to deny it, we all know you do it. One week it's, ''oh she's gone and got fat'', then the week after it's, ''oh my God, she's so skinny, here's the diet she used so you can make yourself thin too''.

Of course, there's also the ''oh my God she's pregnant'', when all it is, is that she's actually eaten something. But as for Jessica, what the fuck is wrong with the way she looks.

I cannot stress enough, how much this shit pisses me off.

Week after week, month after month, year after year. Magazine after magazine, after tv show, after gossip websites, all sprout the same bullshit. Anorexic is in, having a hot bod is out. Jessica is all of what, 28? She's maturing, growing older. Hell! Id love to look that skinny. Stiff shit if her clothes looked awful. Although whoever recommended that she wear those God awful pants needs to be shot, and yes she could've had her top over the jeans with a belt on her hips, then no one would've said she was fat. But besides all that, these fucking critics need to be shot. And that goes along with the people who edit and run the damn magazines as well.

I'd like to ask the critic who claimed she was fat ... what the fuck do you look like???????????????

Huh? Well what do you look like???????? More than likely a fat, balding twat who has no idea about what a real woman looks like. Probably never seen one either?????

So while I am not a Jessica fan, she is not fat. Unlike the fat people who are fat and need to lose weight. All critics and magazines do is piss people off. We don't want to read it, we don't want to see it, we are absolutely sick to fucking death of what you say and what you do. If the women of the world have internal dialogue issues of not being good enough, it's because of you. Yes that's right. You are the problem that society has. And fashion designers claiming skinny is better for their clothes can piss off as well, but if the mags didn't have it in, it wouldn't be there for us to see.

I for one, am sick to fucking death of seeing it!
How about you?

Jewels

The Battle of the TV Morning Shows

It started last week when 9am with David and Kim came back, now this week, they're also contending with Kerri-anne Kennerly and The Morning Show with Larry and Kylie.

Now as you all know by now, I absolutely love David Reyne and Larry Emdur, and can't stand Kylie bloody Gillies. Kim Watkins doesn't fare much better.

As of the first ep of The Morning Show yesterday, Kylie had to get her digs in at Larry. She just couldn't wait. Oh no, she couldn't wait. Obviously her anger and hatred of Larry has been festering like a revoltingly yellow pussy sore for the last six or so weeks of her time off. It's like she didn't stop. I wonder how her husband copes with her hateful nature. If only channel 7 had gotten rid of her, I'd have been happy.

Hell, I'd be happy if Larry and David did a morning show together. ''The Big Spunk Rats Show'' Yep. I'll definitely be watching that!!!!!!

Get rid of David Kock, Kylie Gillies and Kim Watkins, and just keep Mel, Nat, David and Larry.

Then there's the Sunday morning shows. Channel 7 started it with Weekend Sunrise, now channel 9's followed it with Today on Sunday. Andrew O'Keefe is bad enough but now Cameron on 9 as well. Like we don't get enough of him during the week.

Definitely keep Samantha Armytage though, she's gorgeous. And I don't say that lightly, cause as you also know by now, I don't like blonds. But Samantha acts very maturely, and seems so sweet and nice. God knows how she puts up with Andrew, maybe off screen she doesn't?????

Just give me Richard Reid anyday!!!!!! He's sooooo much better than that fat gay prat Perez Hilton!!!!

Well, it looks like there's another year of flicking between the networks, first from 6-9, then from 9-11, I just hope that channel 10 doesn't come up with a 6-9 morning show. Cause channel 7 is coming with a Sunday night show to battle channel 9's 60 Minutes.

So while I know that this plea will fall on deaf ears, to the networks, please, please, just stop!!!!

Well, speaking of networks, my baby's show, NCIS is on tonight, so while Michael and I snuggle up together and watch the show, I hope ya'll will watch too.

Love Jewels
xxoo

p.s - see, isn't he cute!!!