Australia was on Oprah, Australia then flooded, and I wrote a book. MY WEEKLY REVIEW VLOG!

Australia was on Oprah, Australia then flooded... by JewelsDiva

Ads, Advertorials and the amount of time they take up of a show!

Back in December 2009, I wrote a bitch about advertorials, click HERE to read it.

Not much has changed in a year, in fact, it's gotten worse.

Not only do we now have three morning shows again which are being invaded by the little bastards, but they have now gone to normal ad breaks and invaded the new digital channels.

But it's the ad breaks that annoy me more.

Many a year ago, in a half hour show, you would get two ad breaks. At the ten and twenty minute interval. Two ad breaks in half an hour.

NOW.........

We can get about five plus.

That means the networks cut off the shows before the specified ad break mark and we get about three - four minutes of show before another ad. Sometimes, we only get two minutes.

Now I know the ads pay for the show or the people working on it, or whatever, but seriously, I'D LIKE TO VIEW THE FUCKING SHOW AND NOT THE FUCKING AD BREAK.

I don't give a shit what ads they are. I don't give a shit if you've got people to pay off. I don't give a shit if you need the money to pay for your fucking network.

I WANT TO SEE MY FUCKING SHOW!!!!!

It doesn't matter what show it is, they do it. It's like we just get back from an ad break and we're having another one.

It is such a turn off that like most people I channel surf between ad breaks.

Although what really pisses me off is when ALL the shows are on break together and you've got nothing to watch.

Oh and by the way, to all those tv execs who like to bullshit us that the ads aren't louder than the shows.

BULLSHIT!!!!

And if it's true, then that means you're turning the shows down so when the ads come on we listen.

BULLSHIT!!!!

We don't listen to ads, we change the channel or go and take a leak. Or in some cases, since some shows AND ads give us the shits, we go and have a shit.

So, it would seem we need to revolt against the networks and tell them to get the fuck off our tvs with their bullshit ads and shove them up their arses and fuck off.

I don't want them, and I ain't the only one!

Jewels xxoo

HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY PEEPS!!!!!!!

While it would normally be Lol Cats Wednesday today is Australia Day. It's similar to Independence Day and whatever else you all celebrate for your country, so I'm taking the day off, since it's a holiday and all, and am off to relax on my tropical island.

And quite frankly, since we are Australia, the whole republic debate keeps rising it's head and that would mean changing our national anthem and of course our national flag.

Quite frankly I think we should become a republic merely so I can be president. I've mentioned it before, I'll keep mentioning it until it comes true!

Oprah doesn't pay for what she gives away and Olivia Newton John IS NOT Australian!!!!!

Here in Aus we got to see the last of the Australian Oprah shows.

Now there's two issues I had with it.

One, all the goodies Oprah gives away, and has given away, has not been paid for by her. The companies are asked if they'd like to donate their goods.

So for all the people who got pearl or pink diamond necklaces, THEY WERE NOT paid for by Oprah.

Neither was the million dollars worth of computers given to the boys school. Neither was the $250,000 given to the Aussie couple. Neither was Jay-Z's book. The publisher gave them away.

And let me tell you about those cars Oprah gave away about five years ago. Not only did she NOT pay for the cars, she also didn't pay for the taxes on them and most of the people had to give them back.

Bet you don't hear about that all that often.

Onto the second thing I have an issue with.

She had Olivia Newton John on and Oprah said, "so you're from Melbourne."

And of course Olivia agreed.

NAH UH!!!!

Olivia is a POM!!!!

That's right, the Newton John family came over from England - Olivia Newton-John was born in Cambridge, England on September 26th 1948; her family moved to Australia when she was 5. Her mother was German, daughter of the physicist Max Born, her father was Welsh, a professor of German at Cambridge and Melbourne. Despite the academic background, early on Olivia showed an interest in singing, forming a band called the Sol Four with some schoolfriends, and later on singing at her brother in law's coffee bar in Australia. She also starred in a movie "Funny Things Happen Down Under" which was forgettable apart from some early promise shown in Olivia's delightful rendition of "Christmas Down Under". A talent contest hosted by the Australian Johnny O'Keefe offered Olivia the prize of a trip to England, and she took this up in 1965.

That's right, she's NOT AUSTRALIAN!!!!!!

She spent 12 years here and then left. Barely ever coming back.

If I spent 12 years in any country and then left I wouldn't call myself one of them.

You just don't.

The Bee Gees spent about 8 years here before leaving again.

Mel Gibson is American. Russel Crowe is New Zealand, so many Aussies are not Aussies.

I just wish the ones who come here from other countries and only stay awhile would NOT claim to be an Aussie.

YOU'RE FUCKING NOT!!!!!!

Jewels xxoo

Oprah's been to Australia, now WE are on your TV!!!!!

Well peeps, for those of you living in America and surrounding areas that get the Oprah show pretty much live everyday, you would have seen the Australia shows already.

What do you think?

Sure, she pronounced the Yarra river and Julia Gillard wrong, but so what. Considering the floods and shit that are happening here at the moment, it's claimed that after the first show our Queensland relief fund jumped $20 million.

Thanks for that!

So tell me, what do you think of Australia?

Jewels xxoo

LOL CATS WEDNESDAY!!!!!

Our floods have moved to another state, so what do we do now?

Well peeps, the Queensland floods are receeding, the state is getting back to normal, but unfortunately Victoria is now copping their share of floods but who's helping them?

Our unfortunate Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, has decided that talking to people and patting their hands or arms is the best way to go.

Unlike our opposition leader, Tony Abbott and his deputy, Julie Bishop who made sandwiches and helped fill sand bags and got in and did stuff. And our old Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, who Julia backstabbed last year for his job, he got in and helped people. He even told the reporter he was talking to to get in there and help out. "Don't just stand there," he said.

And then there's Anna Bligh, Qland's premier. Apparenty she was lagging in the polls and no one liked her anymore because she'd driven Qland into the ground finacially and every wich way, but now she's so popular again.

Why?

She hasn't done anything except do a news conference every hour and tell the army and SES services to get in there and clean up.

She's done nothing herself. Not made sandwiches, not filled sand bags, not gone into someone's home and helped clean up.

SHE'S DONE NOTHING!!!!!

And neither has Julia.

They both gave 10 million to the relief fund, but considering Anna gets a good few million in g.s.t from Qland tax payers and Julia gives away 16 billion to foreign aid (every other pissin country that doesn't need our money) then they really could've given more.

Julia could give the 16 billion to OUR country for once and help us out instead of Afghanistan, Pakistan and Indonesia. Spend it here bitch!

George Negus, an Aussie reporter who's been around for decades asked Julia why she doesn't spend the 16 bill foreign aid here in the country to help recover and she didn't know what to say. She flailed and waved her hands around and went on the attack because she thought she was being attacked.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST MEANING OF ATTACK BITCH. WAIT TILL YOU MEET ME!!!

Don't vote Anna Bligh back in because she's sticking by the state. She's driven it into the ground and will continue to do so if she's voted back in.

As for Julia, let's get rid of the bitch!

Jewels xxoo

Victorian couple abort IVF babies because they were boys. Now, they should be banned.

A Victorian couple have come under fire this week for aborting IVF twins.

Because they were boys!

They had conceived three boys naturally and had also had a girl, but she died soon after birth.

The mother was so desperate for a girl they wanted to be able to pick the sex of their next IVF baby.

The Patient Review Panel, an independent medical body has rejected their bid to choose the gender of their next child and so the couple have taken their case to Victoria’s Civil and Administrative Tribunal which has the power to reverse the earlier decisions. The case will be heard in March.

According to Victoria’s Assisted Reproductive Treatment Act 2008 sex selection is banned unless it is necessary to avoid the risk of transmission of a genetic abnormality or genetic disease to a child. All IVF clinics in Australia also subscribe to National Health and Medical Research Council guidelines that say sex selection should not be done except to reduce the transmission of a serious genetic condition.

However, apparently it is legal in most other countries to choose the sex of your baby.

My problem is this.

Yes, you should be able to choose the sex of your baby. I would want to, I want girls. I have enough nephews to sink a battle ship and don't particularly want sons unless I have a girl first.

But, this couple did the wrong thing. They knew they couldn't choose the sex in this country and yet still went ahead with the very expensive IVF treatment, and when finding out they were having boys, aborted them.

That was so fucking wrong.

If they wanted girls, they should have just gone to America and made it happen in the first place instead of wasting time, money and poor baby boys here instead.

I don't believe they should be allowed to use IVF in this country again. I think they should be banned. They knew they couldn't choose before and now they're fighting for the right after aborting two babies.

These arseholes have no right to any more IVF treatment in this country and should piss off overseas to get what they want. If they had've done that in the first place, we wouldn't have heard about it, and the baby boys would not have been aborted.

Shame on you you arseholes, you don't deserve any more children.

Jewels xxoo

Australia is underwater. But we're doing okay coz we're Australians!!!!!

Well peeps, I'm still sick and Australia is still under water.

The inland tsunami swept through Brisbane, the capital of Queensland, yesterday and took boats, restaurants and even a concrete walkway with it.

The water is slowly receeding in Ipswich and other places, and the hunt for people missing or dead is now on.

Brisbane is flooded. Businesses are closed and flooded, houses are under or being washed away.

All the reporters are there from every channel, reporting just about 24/7. Normal programming has been changed through the day but for some, who cares. The morning shows extend their coverage through the morning and into the afternoon.

As for me, I cannot watch too much of any disaster. It's not that I don't care or have sympathy, it's just that my psyche can only take so much at one time.

And being sick as a dog, it's even worse.

I know celebrities are sending their well wishes, although really, why do we need to be in Justin Bieber's prayers, and the devastation is being broadcast worldwide. You'll see it for yourselves somewhere peeps.

This disaster will take years and billions of dollars to recover from, and it will be even worse if it rains for the next month, sending even more water down the country. New South Wales is also being affected as the water rushes down the rivers and who knows, Victoria may be next.

Jewels xxoo

LOL CATS WEDNESDAY!!!!!

Australia's weather just gets worse. We are now under flood. And it's summer!

This is Australia.

Half of the country is raging heat and bushfires, West Australia and South Australia, and the rest is under water.

Cyclone weather sucks. They start in far north Queensland and the flood water is gushing down the country with speed that would make your head spin. The water's gone from far north to Brisbane, the capital, in a matter of days. Brissie will get it today, and it's sure to keep going to the Gold Coast and down through New South Wales.

It's the second week of 2011. FUCK!

Well peeps, it's already the second week of the new year and I am still sick as a dog!

Have no idea where that saying came from, just know I am.

I thought I would have been over it by now but NOOOOOOO I'm still coughing up infected conjestion and having a right old good time doing it.

I'll try to be back again this wek peeps but unless I can get better in a hurry, not promising anything.

Hope your new year was better.

Had a think about it the other day and this is the third new years in a row I've been sick with something.

Nice huh!

Bitchfest will change a little again this year. I won't be so rigid on what days get what posts. I'll still do lolcats on Wednesday, but my fave things and quote of the week will be when I have something to post. Otherwise, it's back to bitching.

And the first thing I'm bitching about is this fucking virus I've got. Boiling hot and sweating like a pig one minute, freezing like the Antarctic and shaking like a glass full of ice cubes the next.

FUCK OFF YOU SNIVELLING LITTLE SHIT!!!!!

On top of that, I also stubbed a toe and bruised my left thumb knuckle, where the thumb meets the hand. Has been hurting for weeks but is slowly getting better.

As for my xmas holiday, got a lot of work done, finished typing up my new novel and got it ready for submitting.

Hope you've all been better than me peeps.

Jewels xxoo

Bitchfest! is 2, I've been sick, Jennifer Hawkins is engaged. WHO REALLY GIVES A FUCK!

THAT'S RIGHT PEEPS, BITCHFEST! IS 2!!!!!! As of Jan 1 that was. I know I'm behind, I've been on a holiday from the internet, and now I'll be having another week off because my New Year had me like this...

Trust me, when you get a virus that causes boiling hot and sweating like a pig one moment and freezing cold and shaking like a leaf the next, it sucks. Now I have a cough that's full of mucus! And EVERYTHING hurts!!!!!

NICE!!!!!

In other news, model Jake Wall proposed to Jennifer Hawkins on New Years Eve, we all found out yesterday because they've already sold the story to a magazine for $300,000. The ring cost $200,000.

WHO GIVES A FUCK!!!!!

And the other good news about Jennifer is that because she has a cranky pants manager, her swimwear line has now been cut from the Myer fashion parade at G'Day USA this month in L.A.

SUCKED IN BITCH!!!!!!!

And by the way, this is Rachel Finch.

She claimed this morning on tv that she ate so much over New Year she developed love handles.

BULL.SHIT!!!!!

When are these anorexic girls going to stop being idiots and stop denying they're anorexic. THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL she gained weight! I saw her. THERE WAS NOTHING OF HER!!!

Well I'm off for the week to recuperate. Just as well I have my large harem of men to make me better.

And I really hate it when what you write is all bunched up like this. Blech!

Jewels xxoo