Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Husband throws out $50,000 worth of wife's jewellery. What a dick!


Yesterday the story broke about Geoffrey of Caloundra, Queensland, who had split up his and his wife's uninsured gold collection of charm bracelets, bangles and pure gold bars into three garbage bags to try to fool potential robbers as his truck's gps and his keys had been stolen and he was worried about thieves.

But in a mix-up during a house clean-up, the bags - which also contained family heirlooms - went straight to the wheelie bin and then to the garbage tip.

How would you like a husband like that? But what gets me is that the wife went along with it and allowed him to put it all into garbage bags in the first place. And the gold should have been insured. Get a safe for God's sake, not a fucking garbage bag.

Anyway, the the local council has said no to him going to the tip and scouring through it to look for the gold. The council are worried about Geoffrey hurting himself.

Quite frankly, I think someone at the tip has probably gone looking themselves. The tip receives approximately 1400 tonnes of waste per week - the equivalent of over half the volume of water in an Olympic swimming pool. But that's not to say someone hasn't had a look around with a metal detector.

What a dick!

Jewels xxoo

Monday, August 29, 2011

Copycat shows on tv. Do we need them coz they give me the shits!

Last night on tv was the debut of English show Camelot. Why? It's exactly like Merlin, another English show.

And then we have The Renovators on channel ten, and The Block finished up a week ago, both just like each other.

Channel ten has Masterchef and channel seven has My Kitchen Rules, they even have similar logos.

Channel seven is starting The X Factor tonight, just two weeks after finishing Australia's Got Talent, again, exactly the same and of course Australian Idol fell by the wayside years ago but that was the same. Channel Go has The Voice, and even though that's a slightly different premise, still a singing comp.

Channel nine has Farmer Wants a Wife, just like The Bachelor.

There are way too many reality shows on tv peeps I was over them years ago. I've had enough of people's sob stories as they think that's the only way they can get through the rounds, I've had enough of arrogant people who think they have talent when they don't, who waste our time taking up tv air space when we could be watching decent drama or comedy.

But then so many American cop shows are all similar on their own level. CSIs, NCIS, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist is like Law and Order with Goren, as they both have quirks, now there's Body Of Proof with another Aussie, Nicholas Bishop who's another Simon Baker.

And then there's Biggest Loser, Teen Fat Club or whatever it's called, Dancing with the Stars, we had So You Think You Can Dance but axed that, there's a million Next Top Models and Project Runways although I don't watch those either.

I know they wrap these things up as competitions but I'm wayyyyyyyy over them.

I've had reality tv/copycat overload and can't take anymore peeps, I wish they'd all piss off and disappear.

Jewels xxoo

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Favourite Things: Intrinsic inspirational sayings

A few years back I found a little purple notebook in an op shop with a saying on it from this company. I didn't go there until yesterday. They have free wallpaper and ecards, and other things to print out and read about. You can take inspiration from many of the sayings. These four wallpapers I made into a montage so I have all four as my pc wallpaper.

www.intrinsiconline.com

Jewels xxoo







Wednesday, August 24, 2011

We teach our children to tell the truth, so why do adults find it so hard to do?

This week a mother has been slammed for making her 10 year old thieving child wear a tshirt that read - "Do not trust me. I will steal from you as I am a thief."

The point was, she had tried everything and this was a last resort. So called "experts" have said humiliating the child will have a bad effect. What about the fact he keeps stealing? The experts say nothing about him stealing. "Take him back to the shop and make him admit what he's done and give it back", they claim.

And that leads me to today's post.

Why were we taught to not lie, to tell the truth and to always be honest, and then go on to teach our kids the same thing and yet, ADULTS cannot tell the truth!

White lies are okay, you say. Telling the truth will hurt someone's feelings, you say. We don't always need to tell the truth, you say.

Well then why the fuck are we teaching our kids to tell the truth?

How pathetic are adults? Why is telling the truth so hard? I'm not talking about revealing personal things about yourself, or disclosing your life in full. That's not lying, that's not telling people personal details. I'm talking about actually changing the truth and lying to people.

"Does this make my arse look big?"

"Oh no, you look wonderful!"

LIAR, LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!

Why are adults hypocritical? What's with the contradictions? What's wrong with telling the truth? Life is too fucking short to worry about hurting someone's feelings. For God's sake, if your feelings are hurt over something that's your issue to deal with, not the person who stated the truth. Whereas if they insult you for no reason, and call you things you clearly know you aren't, then have a go back.

WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME TELLING THE TRUTH?????

Why can't you say you don't like something or you think someone sucks?

Why can't you tell someone that the clothes they're wearing looks like shit on them?

Why don't you have the balls to say what you really think because as an adult you have every right to think what you want, say what you want, do what you want. Within legal reason of course.

Seriously people, I'm so fucking sick and tired of adults who keep carrying on about not being able to tell the truth for fear of making themselves look stupid or hurting someone's feelings. Why give a shit? Let me tell you, when you get to your 30s, you REALLY stop giving a shit about what other people think because their opinion is completely and totally irrelevant to you and your life.

WHY HAS "SOCIETY" LABELLED TELLING THE TRUTH AS WRONG AND BEING SOCIAL SUICIDE?

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

PATHETIC! SO FUCKING PATHETIC!!!!!

Jewels xxoo

Monday, August 22, 2011

Book proofs not here yet so I'm quite annoyed! But it's okay coz I'm drooling over the hot hunky man meat on Underbelly Razor!

Still awaiting my proofs from CreateSpace. I'm annoyed that it's taking so long, I think it's about three weeks now, as most other things I buy from America comes within two weeks. But I guess my patience is being tested, and so I must wait for things to happen in their own time which never sits well with me as I want everything I want when I want it, lol. Will post pics when I get them, if they're good enough, and let you all know when they're available for sale!

Meanwhile, I'll get over it by drooling over the hot hunky man meat on last night's Underbelly Razor (google it)......mmmmmm......naked man meat........

Jewels xxoo

Saturday, August 20, 2011

OH MY GOD! I'VE BEEN CONTACTED BY THE FBI!!!!!

FROM: AGENT SCOT RAY

SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
INTELLIGENCE FIELD UNIT
2635 CENTURY PARKWAY N.E.,
SUITE 400
ATLANTA, GA 30345 USA

URGENT ATTENTION

I am special agent Scot Ray; from the Intelligence Unit of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). We just intercepted/confiscated two (2) Trunk Boxes at the Hartsfield Jackson International Airport in Atlanta Georgia. We are on the verge of moving this consignment to the bureau headquarters. However, we scanned the said boxes and found out that it contained a total of USD4.7M and some back up documents which bears your name as the owner of the funds. Investigation carried out on the Diplomat who accompanied these boxes into the United States, revealed that he was to make the delivery of the funds to your residence as these funds are entitled to you, been Contract/Inheritance over due payments. The funds were from the office of the Ministry of Finance of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.


Furthermore, after cross checking all the legal documents we found in the boxes backing you up as the beneficiary of the funds, it became known to us that one of the documents is missing. This document is very important and until we get the document, the boxes will be temporarily confiscated pending when you will provide it. The much needed document is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Delivery Certificate (DISDC). This document will protect you from going against the US Patriot Act Section 314a and Section 314b . This delivery will be tagged A Diplomatic Transit Payment (D.T.P) once you get the document.

You are therefore required to get back to me on this email (agentscot@fbi-us.us)within 72 hours so that i will guide you on how to get the much needed document. Failure to comply to this directives may lead to the permanent confiscation of the funds and possible arrest. We may also get the Financial Action Task Force on Money Laundering (FATF) involved if do not follow our instructions. You are also advised not to get in contact with any Bank in Africa, Europe or any other institution, as your funds are here now in the United States of America.

AGENT SCOT RAY
SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
INTELLIGENCE FIELD UNIT
2635 CENTURY PARKWAY N.E.,
SUITE 400
ATLANTA, GA 30345 USA
agentscot@fbi-us.us

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This communication and its attachments may contain non-public, confidential or legally privileged information. The unlawful interception, use or disclosure of such information is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, or have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete all copies of this communication and attachments without reading or saving them.

------------------------------------------

SO IF THERE REALLY IS AN AGENT SCOT RAY, COME AND GET ME MOTHER FUCKER!

Jewels xxoo

Do celebrity kids need million dollar wardrobes? MY WEEKLY REVIEW VLOG!


Do celebrity kids need million dollar wardrobes? by JewelsDiva

Friday, August 19, 2011

Finally caught up wth Take That's Progressed cd! AND I FUCKING LOVE IT!

So after TT made their big reunion with Robbie last year they released Progress. This year they added to it with a double cd, Progressed. Glad I waited. I've been listening to more of the songs on disc two than one. Although I absolutely love SOS from cd1, and now I'm getting into The Flood, I actually prefer Beautiful, Aliens and Man from cd2. So here's a few songs to let you hear how great they still are. Kidz, The Flood into SOS, and their comic relief video with "Fake That".






Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Now there's talk of a Dirty Dancing remake. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

This is one movie that should never be remade. Beside the fact Patrick is gone, this movie was perfect the first time round. They tried it with DD Havana Nights, but that didn't work. Sometimes a movie IS better the second time round, especially with CGI etc, bit this is one that won't be.

Jewels xxoo

Monday, August 15, 2011

Australian Comedian Magda Szubanski is dumped by Jenny Craig. Considering she's still fat after two years, I can see why.

Here in Aus Magda has been known for decades, appearing on comedy shows like Fast Forward and most recently, Kath and Kim, as Sharon. The pic below is Magda in character as Sharon, standing next to Aussie singer, Danni Minogue.
Two years ago Magda was paid by Jenny Craig to lose weight. She had already lost 10 kilos on her own and went on to lose another 25 with Jenny. The pic below is her at her "supposed" skinny weight of "85" kilos (185 pounds).

Two years on, and after being constantly told by Jenny and Magda that she was STILL 85 kilos, we saw these pics of Magda swimming over summer. 85 kilos my fucking arse.

This was Magda in the last few weeks. Gained weight much?

What I'm fucking sick and tired of has been all the bullshit the last two years. Sure, she had lost weight two years ago and looked a lot trimmer than she had, but 85 kilos was not what she was. She claimed to have fitted into size 14 jeans. Yet two years ago I weighed less than her and had tried to fit into 14 jeans about three weeks before hand and couldn't.

For the last two years she has constantly told us she was 85 kilos, mainting her weight, working out with a trainer, (why the fuck didn't she tell Magda to lose more), and was a size 14-16.

Early this year she claimed to still be 85 kilos but was a 16-18. Now when your size goes up, you can bet on having gained weight.

Now she's been dumped as the spokesperson for Jenny, although it could have been the end of her contract. I can see why with the above shot. She's gotten fatter then she was and she can no longer deny she's not 85 kilos anymore.

What a fucking crock of shit. To have lied to the public for so long with all of the media blathering on about how slim and trim she was and maintaining her weight. She was ALWAYS fat. 85 kilos is 13 stone, who the hell wants to be 13 stone (185 pounds). And being short just made her look fatter. But when the obvious is so fucking obvious, don't tell us it's not. Magda may have lost 35 kilos two years ago, but she was still clearly fat and overweight and she has clearly gained it since. The media need to stop fucking lying to us, and pull their fucking heads out and start speaking the truth. Magda may have been slimmer two years ago, but she sure as hell ain't now.

Jewels xxoo

Friday, August 12, 2011

New development in Madeleine Pulver bomb hoax. Vlog update.

Last Saturday I did a vlog about this case. An 18 year old Sydney schoolgirl was home alone when someone broke in and strapped a "bomb" around her neck. For ten hours cops kept her calm while they tried to get the bomb off without blowing anyone up. The "bomb" also was a fake.

The extortion note featured right out of an old novel called Tai-Pan, and here's update 1 - the book happens to be on the curriculum at the boys school her two brothers go to. And her father went to.

Suspicious much?

And here's update 2 - Detectives spoke to a man they believe to be responsible for strapping the fake collar-bomb to her neck. Police identified the man from information gathered from Madeleine and her family in the days after the August 3 ordeal. The suspect has been spoken to by detectives but not yet formally interviewed. Supposedly Madeleine described her attacker as having "old, wrinkly eyes" peering through the balaclava he was wearing to disguise himself during the attack.

Now several things annoy me about this.

1 - At first she claimed to have not seen him as he grabbed her from behind. But now she saw his eyes.

2 - The family wasn't home so how could they have given any information.

3 - "old crinkly eyes" actually doesn't mean the guy who broke in was old.

A person was spotted jumping into a waiting car down the street. Old men don't jump into cars.

So let's see. First she didn't see, then she did. The family wasn't home but know details. The extortion letter featured from a book on the curriculum at her brother's and father's school. Suddenly there's a suspect who's being spoken to.

And on top of that the girl was ever so calm during the whole experience, and her family clearly didn't think the threat was serious enough to keep her home as she went about her life like nothing had happened.

Again, SUSPICIOUS MUCH!

If my home had been broken into and my daughter had a bomb strapped to her neck there is no way I'd be letting her go about her life like nothing had happened.

NO WAY IN HELL!

Jewels xxoo

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

London's Burning. I know it was a tv show but now it's real life.

Here in Aus we are getting updates every few hours about the London fires.

All it proves is there are way too many animals in the world who don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

Thugs, arseholes, morons, bastards, animals, whatever you want to call them it doesn't do justice to what they're doing.

I know it all started from someone being shot, but to escalate that and make it about unemployment, taxes, having no money or a job etc, is just fucking pathetic.

Who is it?

Gen Ys, unemployed, foreigners, refugees, who really knows, you can't use your background or having no job, or being from a single parent home is no fucking excuse.

And I realise that the looters may just be taking advantage of the rioters destruction, but then they may also be getting in on it themselves.

Taser the bastards, stun gun them, pepper spray them, tranquilser them, I don't fucking care how old, what sex, what race or religion these people are, beat the fucking crap out of them, throw them in jail and don't let them out except to rebuild what they have broken. Teach them a fucking lesson they will never forget.

Jewels xxoo

Monday, August 8, 2011

My Guide to publishing print books at CreateSpace.

Figuring out CreateSpace was a whole lot harder. There's not a lot of info out there and I scoured the forums for ages trying to find the right way of doing things. But here is how I ended up doing it.

1 - If you haven't already - join at http://www.createspace.com/ and use your pen name and email add to sign up.

1.a - Once you're ready to upload your file in your account there's a window that pops up that asks how you want to do things, take the guided tour or streamline it as a pro. I took the guided tour and it's much easier. It guides you through the whole setup step for step. And you will need to add your title, author name, size, it will ask you to get an ISBN which is free through CS and you NEED to get this so you can add it to your copyright page on the inside of your book before uploading, or even if you add it then upload a second time. Take your time with the details, nothing's being published yet.

2 - Decide on what size you want your book to be. CreateSpace have made templates for you to use instead of figuring out everything on your own. I chose the 5.06 x 7.81 template and you can find them here - https://www.createspace.com/Products/Book/InteriorPDF.jsp

3 - Play with the template for awhile. Get the feel of it, see how it works, there's no guide to how it works, you just have to figure it out yourself. CS have already set the preferences for the text body, titles etc, and they've put title, copyright, table of contents, acknowledgements and dedications pages in the front, as well as about the author page at the back. CS use different fonts for all and it's highlighted in your MS word bar up the top of the page. If you don't need the table of contents, delete it. I did have some issues deleting page breaks, but you'll soon figure it out.

4 - There is a sort of guide here - https://www.createspace.com/en/community/docs/DOC-1323 in the purple section just above the table "additional tips". Print it out and it will help a lot! It also tells you how to add extra chapters which will be handy. I also found author, Helen Hanson and her trip through CS - http://www.helenhanson.com/?p=2201

5 - Use a copy of your Smashwords file as this made it easier. You know there's no mistakes. Just don't add your Smashwords details. Copy and paste a chapter in and while it's still highlighted, change the font to your choice. I chose Time New Roman size 12. While the text was also highlighted I right clicked it and clicked on paragraph. I chose line spacing of exactly and AT of 14. It gave it a nice look. Although my book also has uneven lines on the page, I'm not sure how this worked, and maybe you won't have a problem, I had say, 37 lines on one page and 36 on the other. Maybe I should have shortened my paragraphs. It doesn't really make a lot of difference overall. I did try to fix it by changing the line spacing etc but it still turned out the same.

6 - Once you have everything pasted go back through it. If you can tighten your sentences so you don't have one word on a line delete them. Some of my sentences ended in words like one, or on, and they were the only word on the line and it's a waste of page and space, so I tightened the text (deleted unnecessary words) so all of my lines fit perfectly.

Make sure they all sit on the pages properly, everything is nice and neat. It does a take a while but you'll get there. Just don't rush.

7 - Save it as a word doc to your file and leave it for a day. Go back and with fresh eyes check for mistakes. Then save it as a PDF, open that and check it for mistakes. If you use your Smashwords copy, there shouldn't be. If it looks good as a PDF then it's time to upload to CS. Make sure you have your ISBN. And CS will let you know if it needs fixing in anyway. Just go back and fix it then upload a new PDF.

8 - Then it's on to cover. Now this can be hard. If you know how to work Adobe Indesign, or some other design software, you can create your own. If you have your pictures from your Smashwords cover then that will help. Now there's several ways to do the cover. To find out what size cover, you go to this page - https://www.createspace.com/Help/Book/Artwork.do and fill out the details and it will give you a zipped file with the cover inside. Inside is Adobe versions of the cover. You can make your cover that way or -

8.a - Have someone make one for you and pay.

8.b - If you have InDesign - https://www.createspace.com/en/community/docs/DOC-1251

8.c - You can go through the CS Createcover which is featured after you upload your pdf.

Now if you don't want the "pre-made" covers this offers, don't worry, on page 4 of the pop up window of designs, there is a cover that allows you to upload a full image that you've made, via the zipped file I believe, or one that allows you to upload a back and front design and then you just have to pick a plain colour for the spine and fill in the title and author. You also get minimal font choice. I went with "natural" as it was more like arial. There is an issue with the front and back cover though, you have to be careful that your design doesn't reach the outer lines of the provided "cover". I uploaded my designs many, many, many times until they were accepted by CS. Even though it looked good, they always had issues. So make sure text and pics aren't near the outlines of the upload.

9 - Once your design has been accepted and there are no other issues, order a proof of your book, or if you have more than one, of your books. Cost kinda comes into it here. If you sign up for Proplan then every time you order your own books it will cost you less to do so. But there is a hitch. Proplan is PER book! If you have one, great it's only $39.95. If you have two, like me, $78 YIKES! Proplan is $39.95 per book for the first year, and then $5 every year per book. So you will be paying for your book to be printed on demand!

9.a - I've ordered my proof of each book and they were $6 and change each as they're so thick. I also had three choices of shipping. Normal, expedited and superfast. While normal shipping was only $10.47, it may have taken until September sometime to get here. So I chose expedited for $17.17 and they should be here sometime in August. I'm hoping sooner.

10 - While waiting for your book you can fill out more details in your dashboard, like sales information and channels. CS tells you, based on the size of your book (total number of book pages) what price it must be over to sell. If you've applied for Proplan, then you can fill out the other details for distribution as well. Your CreateSpace Store, Amazon.com and Expanded Distribution Channel which means it will be available on other websites for people to buy. The more people who see your book, the more chances to make sales. One thing I did find out though, is that with the size I chose I cannot pick the third part of expanded distribution, which is that stores will not be able to sell my books on their shelves. Which I DID NOT KNOW when I chose the size. Had this info been on the template page, I would have chosen a size that was appropriate.

11 - Once you've read your proofs and either fixed whatever issues there may be you're almost finished. Fill out any leftover details and decide if you want a CS store. If you've done everything that needs to be done, filled out everything that needs to be filled out and fixed what needs to be fixed then you can start selling your book!

12 - Next comes marketing, but that's up to you.

Jewels xxoo


Friday, August 5, 2011

Born This Way has got to be a new chick anthem.

I got Lady Gaga's new cd yesterday and played it last night. Just listening to this song I felt stronger, emotionally, not a lot, but a little. Definitely a new anthem.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My Favourite Things: My very own personalised stationery set!

Hey peeps, well yesterday I gots me a surprise! A friend of mine decided to make me some stationery because I'd been talking about it lately. Wondering if I should get some business cards made, where could I get a mouspad etc. Well it turns out she got them done at Vistaprint on special, so I'll be going there in future for other things. Unfortunately no bookmarks though!


So here's the whole set!

500 business cards with all my deets!
140 name labels.

Mousepad, with moi on it!

Notebook.

Notepaper, so the pic is faded on purpose.

And my own personalised pen!


Monday, August 1, 2011

My Guide to publishing eBooks at Smashwords.

So in the lead up to being a published author I did many things. Raided Google, Smashwords, CreateSpace, Kindle. I didn't always find what I wanted, but when it comes to Smashwords, the style guide really is the be all and end all of the way to do it. And so for authors reading this page now and in the future I thought I'd do what I could not find. A list of what one needs to do to publish at Smashwords.

1 - Print out the Smashwords style guide by Mark Coker and read through it several times. I was very overwhelmed reading it in the Adobe file but having it in front of you makes for better reading. As it prints, put the pages into a folder that you've set up as your publishing file. I have one with all the print outs from Smashwords, CreateSpace, Kindle, Audio, bits and pieces etc so I know where it all is when I need it.


My folder!


Inside page.
CreateSpace page! Wasn't much I could find so I printed out Helen Hanson's blog post.


Smashwords style guide.


Kindle section. I decided not to go the Kindle route as Aussies only get paid via cheque and it takes $30 to bank it. Waste of money. And people have complained on the Kindle boards about the company.




Audio books if you choose to go that way. With Podio you have to record it yourself. So while I have the info, I'm not going this way.


2 - Read through the style guide slowly and carefully. Have a look at your version of Microsoft Word to see what parts are referred to in the guide. Mark with a highlighter all relevant parts of the guide that refers to your version of MS so it's easier to deal with in future.






3 - Make sure your book has been edited, copy edited, assessed and anything else you can do to make it spic and span. Google copy editors for your area or if you've used one before use them again. Also, make sure all of the Smashwords necessities are already in the book. The copyright page, title and author, About the Author, Connect online, sneak peeks of your other book if you have one, all website links etc so when you do the style, it's already there.


3.a - while your book is being edited, if you have art software, or Adobe or something similar, you can create your own book cover. Some clip art is free online and there are sites where you can pay for pictures, but I used pics I already had or had used on my website. If you have software for making other things like art and craft, business cards, letters, brochures etc, I have Broderbund, then it's easy to make one. Just make sure it's sized to the Smashwords specifications which are in the guide.


4 - Make a copy of your book and save it to a file on your computer so you know where it is and then use the copy of your novel for the Smashwords styling.


5 - On a day when you have nothing to do and you have the time, get your folder with the guide in it, open your book copy and follow the instructions slowly and carefully. DO NOT RUSH. It will only lead to mistakes. And don't forget to have your show/hide backward q highlighted. I started with the nuclear method because I had written my book in another version of word. So to save myself hassles later, I just did the nuclear method with both of my books.


6 - I found the styling itself took about 45-ish minutes with the table of contents, but if you used the nuclear method you MUST go back through your book and re-bold, re-italicise and re-underline everything that was because you will lose it. I had both the copy, and the file I copied it from open in windows side by side. Slowly go through and redo everything. And a warning, it may take hours.


7 - Once you've been through the guide and you believe everything is perfect. Print out your book. I know it may seem long and arduous, and it is, but this way you can catch all the mistakes you didn't on the computer as there is such a thing as word blindness. I found it was easier to take the number of the last page, divide by two and then once I'd printed the first half, turned the paper over and printed on the reverse side. You save half the paper.


8 - Once the mistakes are fixed, and you've gone back through to make sure everything is perfect, save a copy to your pc folder as a word.doc. I used 97-2003. Save your copy that is open and then open your brand new book file and have a quick check through. If it looks perfect and you're confident, upload to Smashwords.


9 - If you haven't set up your Smashwords page, and you're going to use a pen name, use your pen name to set up your account. They only need your real name for paying you and the details are in your new Smashwords account anyway for filling in. And don't forget to use a name that no one else has, you could Google the name first.


When I uploaded for the first time in July, I had to fill out the page for all the book details first. Title, short description, longer description, so don't forget to think about those and have them planned, there's a spot to upload your cover and your book file as well. When all of those are done, hit the button at the bottom to publish and you get the page where you see it checking all of the versions of the book. You don't need to stay on that page you can upload another book if you have one.


Once the loading is all done, follow the prompts in the email that Smashwords sends to you and check all the versions it recommends. If you've done everything by the guide, it will all be perfect.


Once you've done that, you just have to wait for Smashwords to approve your book for premium status and you can check every day under your dashboard on your Smashwords page.


Don't forget to fill out your bio, and add any websites you're on, your blog/website, Facebook, Twitter etc and make sure all of your details are filled out.


If you are not in America, then you will also need to apply for a tax file number from the IRS, and Smashwords do tell you how to do that. I'm in the process of doing it because it takes so long for Aussies.


I also recommend downloading and printing out their other guide for marketing your book. It's very helpful.


If you have any questions, ask. I've tried to include everything that's necessary, but as long as you follow the guide, it's a breeze. And don't forget to breathe! It's not as hard as it looks. As long as you have experience with MS Word, then you'll have no problems.
Jewels xxoo
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